This last year I have been being restored in my relationship with the Lord. You may ask, “What terrible sin did you do that you needed to be restored?” I guess you could say the sin of putting walls between me and God. You see at a time when I was having one of those mountaintop experiences and serving Him with all my heart I somehow got pushed off that mountain and I began to barricade myself in by walls to the point that I was getting no spiritual nourishment at all. Basically it was just me and my wounded self. I guess you could say it started after the death of my Father whom I watched slowly deteriorate as I cared for him at home while having hospice care (helping him die in a dignified way ??)), then spinal surgery which left me with chronic pain which they tell me will never leave,and loss of a 29 year job because of my disability. So throughout all this I just basically existed for several years wondering what happened to my desire and strength. I could still “faintly” hear him but I was malnourished and dizzy with woundedness. Feeling sorry for yourself is probably one of the worse kind of sins so to speak you can commit. It begins to consume you and the walls get higher and higher and then you begin to dig a pit because you feel like the walls might not be enough. But God says He will never leave us nor forsake us.The word of God says in Psalm 103:2-4 the following:
Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
It was definitely His love and compassion that broke down the walls and pulled me out of that pit.
I am grateful to say that I am once again drinking His living water and eating the “bread of life”. I am once again hearing his voice. I am again trusting Him and others. I love Him with all my heart, all my soul, and all my strength and I always have. I was like David. I was battle weary. So I once again fight the good fight of faith. I seek His face and He says I will be found by Him. I do not question Him any longer about why I started blogging. It’s been through this almost one year of writing that I have been renewed and have begun to study His word once again. Thank you Father God for loving me and carrying me in my weakness. I am yours.
If you would like to participate in “Walk With Him Wednesday” you will find the MckLinky at Ann Voskamp’s site “Holy Experience”. Wonderful site–beautiful music.